Saturday, October 17, 2009

Finding the lost smile

Days, weeks, months... season changes, people changes, life changes. Its has been 2.8 years I life here. First time I was here, I feel so lonely and couldn't put my smile in my face. I had no close real friend around. Then, it starting better, I made this blog a few months after, started to have some good friend through the net.

It has been my best year in 2008, I met a few good friend through the net. We talked a lot, we shared our feeling, sometimes argued, laughed together and when i was in tear they support me a lot. I never felt alone anymore that time. But sure, as season changes, all changes, one by one my friends had their own business. We didn't talk much now. If we met online just a little hi, no more deep talk. Oh, yeah, i missed that time much, but I know, I could do nothing, because if I talk a lot, they will avoid me more. So I prefer to control my self, not talk a lot, staying in silence right now, rather than I lost all friend. Pretending, I am OK even I am dying.

Before, whenever open messenger, many friends will pop up and say hi, sometimes I type in wrong box. Many smile they sent, so I never stop feel happy. Now even I am available in yahoo messenger for a full day, no one will say hi, except two my best friend Lyla and Molina. Thanks for you two girls, only you that fill my day, and I could share many happy and worry. If both of you not online for a few days, I am feel alone. Thanks, for still share me everything, thanks for still hear my tears sometimes, thanks for support. (For Molina, thanks a lot, u never change since the first we met, 6.5 years ago, and even more better, miss u girl, I really want to sit down beside u in pempek shop, and talk... with many laughter n sometimes tears. You are my best friend I ever had)

So, now I try to find my lost smile in my lonely place. I will start my new life, even it doesn't mean I will forget all friend that ever came to my life. Don't hesitate to contact me, I still miss u around. But, I couldn't only wait others cheer my days, or just wait and hope everything will be back as before. I realized, even many promise gave, many hope built, but times make it change. So, I will jump from my comfort zone, as housewife. I try to catch my previous dream that i ever had. I know it will not easy, even now I started to have headache, a little bit desperate, and stress. But, i won't die because feeling lonely and most horrible I couldn't smile anymore, so I will take my chance right now. Even it is hard, and I don't know what will happen with me in my future, but who knows. Just let time pass, and will know... is my smile over there?
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